OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was like getting head from an anaconda
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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