this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
