my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
