my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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