Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
