can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
