Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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