I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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