Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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