So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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