thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
