i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We are all done wearing pants today
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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