Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i barfeds in our rink
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
