"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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