you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
