dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
