But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
