She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
