i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
do herpes really smell.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
