in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize