we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
