i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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