Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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