i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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