dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
