I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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