Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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