By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
