dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
