I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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