I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
