I'm jealous of your bromance
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
