Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
