Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
