I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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