Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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