The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I stole a fireplace last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
