I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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