Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
