Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
