At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
