So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
