Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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