I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
