but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
