Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
