Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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