margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
