I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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