Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
