just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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