Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You pole danced in your parka.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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