I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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