I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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