Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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