my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
