she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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