She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
