you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
