we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
