I wannas sexs uuuuu
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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