Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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