i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
