how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
