I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Houston, we have a blender
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
