its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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