I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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