I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
