My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
