I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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