dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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